When attempting to do something noteworthy, reach for a goal, or do something you’ve never done before, you come across stumbling blocks in the road. Plenty of times these stumbling blocks can leave you frustrated and upset. If the problem you’re facing persist, you could end up feeling sorry for yourself because you are not where you wanted or expected to be at this time.
This is a critical time for deciding your attitude about the situation. Having the wrong one will leave you halting on your pursuit of your goal. The problem with feeling sorry for yourself is that it doesn’t resolve anything, nothing gets done.
Some people view feeling sorry for themselves as a way to be hard on themselves in order to feel pain and if they feel enough pain, they will do what’s necessary to change their situation. The problem with self shaming is that it doesn’t give them the energy to change their situation. You will find that self shaming will probably make you sink more into your problem.
Others hope that someone will show sympathy to their situation and offer to alleviate them of that situation. The problem with this is they are giving their power over to someone else rendering themselves powerless. They are waiting to be rescued. Good people don’t mind helping others but when someone is continuously feeling sorry for themselves and are not taking any initiative, the probability of someone taking away their problem is slim to none.
All around, feeling sorry for yourself can lead to inactivity which will lead to the problem growing bigger. It becomes a cycle, you feel more sorry for yourself and your problem persist in getting worse.
So if you find yourself heading down that path of self shaming, here are 4 steps to combat feeling sorry for yourself.
1. Understand That It’s A Ineffective Feeling
Feeling sorry for yourself is a negative emotion and a nonproductive one at that. The more you dwell in the feeling, the less inspired you feel to move forward. You begin to rationalize why you would never be able to move forward or you begin to play the blame game. Everything else outside of you becomes the problem or the reason why you are not able to move forward. All this does is give yourself permission to stay where you are and carry on feeling this ineffective feeling. The problem is still there and nothing is being done about it. Understand this and choose to shift your focus.
2. Become Solution Oriented
Shift your focus to be solution oriented. When a stumbling block arises, now that you know that self pity is unproductive, immediately search for a solution. Look for different answers that may help you step over your stumbling blocks. When being solution oriented, your main priority is moving forward instead of standing still, wallowing in guilt and self pity.
3. Take Any Action Towards A Solution
Once you think of a solution, take the action towards the solution. Even if it’s a small action step, you will find that you gain a little more energy with every action step you take. One small action will lead to the next and you will see that your energy or mood is rapidly changing for the better. No longer will you view your situation as hopeless, but rather, you will find hope and inspiration to continue to move forward. No more will you be feeling sorry for yourself because you now feel more empowered over your own situation.
4. Focus Only On Continual Movement Forward
Once you begin to take action and are moving forward to a solution, focus only on perpetual movement. You may find that the one answer you thought of wasn’t the right one to fully overcome the stepping stone, but do not take this as an invite to stop and return to self pity. Return back to step 2 and find another solution. Repeat the process until you find the correct solution.
Your main focus should be on continual movement forward. You will find the right solution and you will be able to step up and over your stepping stone. As, psychologist and philosopher, William James said “ If you only care enough for a result you will almost certainly obtain it.”
Remember these steps when a new stepping stone appears and focus in on finding the solutions. You may feel frustrated at times, you may feel lost but that’s the human experience. We all have these feelings, but the quicker you are able to become solution oriented, the faster you will be able to step upon your stepping stone towards your solutions.